Parenting through Chaos

Our world is changing rapidly. Steadfast systems we have come to rely on in our society are shifting. Whether it is the changing dynamics of the education or health care system, political uncertainty, concerns with social trends, etc. all of these external forces penetrate the life of the individual and their families. We all see it… We all feel it. As parents and caregivers going through these experiences, it is easy to forget from our adult mind that it is the children who feel this most of all.

Children take in more information than we realize. Information comes in many forms, and children take in so much from their environment. Constantly adapting and learning, they develop and register all information in their environments—not just the physical and verbal communication- but emotional energy as well. Until the age of seven, the human brain operates in the electromagnetic frequency of theta, a low-amplitude (or slow) brainwave, associated with a “suggestive state” such as in hypnosis or trance. This is active for everyone at the onset of sleep, but children live in this brain-state. In this highly impressionable state, children do not yet have a fully developed prefrontal cortex to analyze or rationalize information. Instead, they base their entire understanding of the world on feeling, intuition, and energy. Every interaction, every emotional exchange, every moment leaves an imprint on their developing psyche.

Millennial parents today are becoming known for attempting to navigate Traditional and what I will call Trauma-Informed Parenting. This is what underlies the trend in gentle and conscious parenting we see in new parents today.  These parents see the damage of the “helicopter parenting” style, but also understand that the developmental years are far more influential to long term wellbeing than ever known before- as backed by modern evidence.  

So, with this curious mixture of free-range parenting and trauma-informed awareness, community support at an all-time low; happening concurrently with mass societal change…how do we ensure that we nurture our the inner wisdom and emotional strength of our youth, rather than unknowingly passing down fear-based frameworks? 

The Importance of Emotional Mirroring

How we model ourselves to our children during times of transition, matters. Many parents instinctively avoid validating their children’s fears, hoping to protect them from something they are not ready for. As Gabor Maté, a prominent expert on childhood development and trauma, explains: a child’s brain is not born with self-regulation- it is learned through connection with emotionally attuned caregivers. 

Of course, as a parent you have a judgement call to make in terms of how much information you want to give, or where the boundaries around the dialogue should be. But, generally speaking, shutting down emotional conversations or raw expression leaves children feeling sad/fearful/or confused, a state that fuels anxiety.

Gabor Maté warns that by dismissing emotions, children lose trust in their own intuition. He highlights that anxiety (defined as projected concerns about the future) can be absorbed through the environment. This means that your child’s nervous system will mirror yours. When parents feel stressed, anxious, or disconnected, children subconsciously absorb that energy. If fear and uncertainty dominate a household, children internalize these emotions as their own.  

There is no shame in having an emotional experience of your own-in fact, displaying a healthy relationship with your emotional world is mirroring exactly what your child needs. 

How can you start applying this knowledge? Reflect on the following truths:

1. Your base language becomes your child’s base thoughts. How parents frame their experiences and emotions influences the internal narrative their children adopt.

2. A child’s nervous system directly responds to their parents' emotional bandwidth.  Some children may react with heightened anxiety, while others might withdraw. The way we model emotional stability during unpredictable times shapes their long-term ability to self-regulate.

The Power of Presence

If you want your child to feel comfortable with their emotions, let them get to know them. Let them be felt—entirely. Yes, even the inconvenient emotions. You will know your child’s threshold and tipping point, but if you meet them in their emotions with compassion, validate their experience, and simply hold space for two minutes, their nervous system will naturally begin to regulate- with yours. This is no different than when you would scoop them up and hold them after a fall when they first learned to walk. They will always co-regulate when they feel safe to do so.

As Dr. Lisa Miller explains in The Spiritual Child, this period is critical in shaping a child's long term wellbeing. What Maté describes as developing their own intuition, Miller categorically summerizes this as

spiritual development, which her research indicates, fosters resilience. Research strongly supports that children raised with a strong sense of spirituality—whether through mindfulness, connection to nature, or family connection and tradition—are 40% less likely to abuse substances and 60% less likely to struggle with depression in their teenage years. These findings are far more profound than ANY research on positive outcomes from pharmaceutical intervention. 

So if this message resonated with you, just bring yourself back to the present. Tap into your sentient awareness. Find space within yourself before you respond to your child. When children feel anxious, it’s not about eliminating their fear—it’s about guiding them back to a regulated state. In doing so, you help your child develop the confidence to navigate life’s uncertainties with emotional intelligence and resilience, rooted in inner trust.

When a child’s emotions are acknowledged without judgment, it allows deep healing—not just for them, but for the parent as well. Children are also our mirrors, our teachers. If you recognize change happening within them, see this as an opportunity to reflect on and support yourself, too.